One Reason Women can't find a Good Man.
I have reached a point in life where I'm still fairly young but have been around long enough that I'm able to begin to see a few patterns. One of the interesting things that I have noticed as I've gotten a little older is how differently my single, female, peers look at men. I hear it often asked by single women, friends and strangers alike, where all the good men have gone? This seems especially true for those in the post 30 age groups. That is a good question really. Where have all the good men gone? Why is it getting so hard for women to find a worthy partner? As a father of a little girl, this is becoming a more and more important issue for even me. Well, I have a bit of an observation to make. I don't think the "good" men have gone anywhere. Men have become exactly what we've asked them to.
For several generations now, jr. high and high school aged boys watched as the bad boy's got all the girls. During their rebellious years, girls would deify their parents, especially their fathers, and pursue the most opposite personality from Pop that they could find. Most of these girls would tell you that they had no interest in marrying a guy like this, they just wanted to have fun for awhile. Well, as time has moved on, more and more boys have learned that if you want to get the hot chicks, you got to be a bad ass. During the most formative years of their lives in regards to their perspectives on relationships, boy's learn that girls do not value them based on their hard work and personal values. What most boys were, and are, too dumb to figure out is that this is the kind of guy girls only wanted to have fun with, not stick with. Boys are being taught that the flunk out, defiant, punk is what girls like. Yet as they get older, they are almost over night asked to transform magically into hard working, stable, family men with good jobs. The problem is that by this time, the've already dropped out of school or at least failed to develop any sort of appreciation for hard work, good character, or loyalty.
Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad if society didn't perpetuate this problem by constantly worshiping men of low esteem. If boys could see that adults value character, perhaps they would also understand that this type of rebel attitude needs to be a temporary stage. But instead, we turn on the T.V. to see adults like The Situation surrounded by beautiful women. Every where these boys look, the rappers, the actors, the athletes, well into their 30's, 40's, and 50's, are not worshiped by their character, but they ability to be "players."
Boys will become exactly what we ask them to, and unfortunately, as a society, they have done exactly that, we taught them that getting high is more important that getting the grade. As fatherless households continue to increase, this problem will only get worse for our sons.
Ladies, I ask you honestly, who was the guy you dated when you were younger? What was it that you looked for? I'd be willing to bet, you can still find a million guys that fit those characteristics today, the problem is your priorities have changed and the guys did not. They remained exactly what we asked them to be. Suddenly the nice guys that nobody wanted in high school are the kind girls want when they get older. Only the nice guys learned that being nice only got them ignored, so many of them changed and lost the characteristics that would be coveted in them later on.
Like turning an aircraft carrier, this will take awhile, but it is so important that we do. We need to do it for our sons and our daughters alike. We need to do our best to instill in our kids that character and values really do matter. We need to stop letting reality TV shows that worship dysfunction dominate the ratings. The good men are still there, they just learned the wrong lessons, and they learned them too well.
For several generations now, jr. high and high school aged boys watched as the bad boy's got all the girls. During their rebellious years, girls would deify their parents, especially their fathers, and pursue the most opposite personality from Pop that they could find. Most of these girls would tell you that they had no interest in marrying a guy like this, they just wanted to have fun for awhile. Well, as time has moved on, more and more boys have learned that if you want to get the hot chicks, you got to be a bad ass. During the most formative years of their lives in regards to their perspectives on relationships, boy's learn that girls do not value them based on their hard work and personal values. What most boys were, and are, too dumb to figure out is that this is the kind of guy girls only wanted to have fun with, not stick with. Boys are being taught that the flunk out, defiant, punk is what girls like. Yet as they get older, they are almost over night asked to transform magically into hard working, stable, family men with good jobs. The problem is that by this time, the've already dropped out of school or at least failed to develop any sort of appreciation for hard work, good character, or loyalty.
Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad if society didn't perpetuate this problem by constantly worshiping men of low esteem. If boys could see that adults value character, perhaps they would also understand that this type of rebel attitude needs to be a temporary stage. But instead, we turn on the T.V. to see adults like The Situation surrounded by beautiful women. Every where these boys look, the rappers, the actors, the athletes, well into their 30's, 40's, and 50's, are not worshiped by their character, but they ability to be "players."
Boys will become exactly what we ask them to, and unfortunately, as a society, they have done exactly that, we taught them that getting high is more important that getting the grade. As fatherless households continue to increase, this problem will only get worse for our sons.
Ladies, I ask you honestly, who was the guy you dated when you were younger? What was it that you looked for? I'd be willing to bet, you can still find a million guys that fit those characteristics today, the problem is your priorities have changed and the guys did not. They remained exactly what we asked them to be. Suddenly the nice guys that nobody wanted in high school are the kind girls want when they get older. Only the nice guys learned that being nice only got them ignored, so many of them changed and lost the characteristics that would be coveted in them later on.
Like turning an aircraft carrier, this will take awhile, but it is so important that we do. We need to do it for our sons and our daughters alike. We need to do our best to instill in our kids that character and values really do matter. We need to stop letting reality TV shows that worship dysfunction dominate the ratings. The good men are still there, they just learned the wrong lessons, and they learned them too well.
Love this article. So true and so right. Men, be a real man like JESUS was and girls, keep your moral values no matter what a man says to you. You are more than a body. Anyway can give their body away but it is a true man or woman who saves herself for marriage.
ReplyDeleteNeed to edit that last sentence. Anyone can give their body away but it is a true man or woman who saves themselves for marriage.
DeleteWhile I think Lucy has a good point, I don't think it relates to the article. My interpretation of it is that men need to not play manipulative games that society has decided is acceptable for dating, and women need to realize that they should accept, and even seek the the "good" guy....Thats the short summary :)... Signed "used to be nice guy, learned to be a bad boy, working my way back to good guy"
ReplyDelete