Why Most Relationships Fail

First off, let me clarify that I'm not saying that most marriages fail, even though we all know half of them do, but most relationships do actually fail.  For the vast majority of us, if we are with someone now, they are probably not the first and only person with which we have ever had relationship.  Thus, in order for us to reach the person we are with now, other relationships had to fail.  Why?  What is it that causes this?

I've had a bit of an epiphany lately in regards to this and it occurred to me as I was walking around a high school and watched a number of young couples walk the halls.  It was interesting to me that a number of these young men walked with their arms on the shoulder of their girlfriend in a near headlock as they headed from class to class.  For some reason that resonated with me as it was a huge testament to the lack of confidence these boys had in the fact that their girl would stay with them.  It's almost like they didn't trust her to walk next to them or hold their hand, so they hovered over her to the point of actually hooking their arms about her neck to keep her close.  

It got me wondering just how insecure are most of us with our relationships?  You see, for most of us, the relationship is really more about us and how that person makes us feel than it is about the person.  If this person makes me feel good, then I don't want to lose them because I don't want to lose the feelings that accompany them and I become jealous of anything that might take their attention from me.  But what if there is someone out there that is actually a better fit for them than me?  Am I willing to allow that possibility?  If I manipulate someone into remaining in a relationship with me, I will forever be insecure in that relationship because I will know in my heart that I am manipulating them, either by force or by situation.  But what if I gained the personal fortitude to let go of that person and make it clear to them that they could always leave if they wanted to?  What then?  Well, as strange as that sounds, I think that would add to the security of the situation because everyday I woke up and they were still with me, I could rest assured it is because they actually want to be with me.  The fact is, if I really, truly love someone, then shouldn't I want what is best for them?  And if I want what's best for them and that best is somewhere else, then shouldn't I want that for them? If I don't, then perhaps I have to ask myself if the person I'm most in love with is really myself.  

As I'm discovering with so many other things in life, freedom, really is the key to happiness.  If I believe that I really am the best fit for somebody then (and I'm primarily talking in the dating stage here) should it threaten me if they want to date others?  Shouldn't I be secure in the fact that if I really can love them better than any other, they will find the rest of the world lacking?  Wouldn't leaving them free to pursue others actually make me more appealing as they will now have the chance to realize how much better for them I am than anyone else is?  Isn't that what God has done with us?  Jesus never forced anyone to follow Him.  They were free to explore any other believe they wanted to, but when it came down to it He knew that love would trump all.  That's still the case today.  I'm now confident that the love Christ taught is so superior to anything else I actually encourage people who are questioning to explore any other faith.  Go for it, look and see, nothing out there can hold a candle to the love that Jesus taught and displayed.  Unfortunately, that goes for most of His followers as well.  

Love at its purest form is not possessive or oppressive.  It only provides freedom.  And in that freedom comes security, the security of knowing that the reason someone loves us and stays with us is because they really want to, because we have left them free to leave at any time.    

God is free to leave us as well you know.  Just like we are free to leave any relationship we get into.  It might cause some damage, it might create pain, but we are free to leave.  I've come to a place where I value the love of both my God and my wife like never before as I finally understand that both could leave at anytime which means the reason they stay is because they want to.  That my friends makes you feel loved!